The Day My Life Changed Forever

A note written by my mother the day after I was dropped off at my new school, 9833km away from home (April 2015):

全新的开始！儿子，祝贺你开启全新的旅程！虽然你说我要自由，但一路上就黏在我身上，一会抓抓头发，一会念叨妈妈抱，一会又说：妈妈你会伤心吗？会想我吗？我知道你像妈妈一样心里不舍；虽然你迫不及待的融入新环境，再见面时说妈妈我很开心，很喜欢这里，但新鲜劲过后会哭鼻子吗？没事，你能行的，就像你安慰我时说的，就当自己去旅游了，很快可以见面的！但儿行千里母担忧，这才过去一天就忍不住想你了，儿子，你睡得好吗？过得好吗？独立生活适应吗？在这里我要感谢所有帮助我安慰我的朋友们，EBF的老师朋友们，还有来英国后接待照顾我们的Caroline女士，Libby女士，还有Charlie ，有你们的鼓励，我变得很坚强！

“A fresh start! Son, congratulations on your new journey! Although you said you wanted freedom, you stuck to me all the way to school, playing with my hair, asking me to hug you, and saying: ‘Mum, will you sad when I’m gone? Will you miss me?’ I know you are as reluctant to let go as I am, though you cannot wait to get stuck into the new environment. When we met again [after school lunch], you said: ‘Mum, I am very happy, and I like it here very much’. Will you cry after the freshness wears off? It’s okay, you can do it, just like you said when you comforted me, just treat it like travelling by yourself, we will see each other again soon! But I am worried about my son after having travelled thousands of miles. It’s only been a day and I can’t help but miss you. Son, did you sleep well? Is everything going well? Are you adapting to independent living? I would like to thank all the friends who helped us, comforted us, friends from the EBF foundation, Ms. Caroline, Ms. Libby, and Charlie who took care of us after we arrived in the UK. With your encouragement, I have become very strong!”

Ahhhh England, the place of fairy tales, full of people with top hats and walking sticks, smart suits and trench coats, living in big castles surrounded by a plot of beautiful land. As a child, back home in China, I heard stories of this place, fairy tales, you know, the ones you ask your mother to read again and again before bedtime. As of today, I am eighteen years old, living here alone with plenty of rainy days to keep me company. Nine years earlier, I had just arrived in this country, unsure of my future but nonetheless, ecstatic to be in the land of my childhood stories.

“妈妈！爸爸！我很喜欢这里！谢谢你们把我送到那么好的学校！“

“Mum! Dad! I love it here! Thank you for sending me to such a good school!”

…is what I said to my parents as they waved me goodbye from the van, leaving me at my new school. In a way, I said it to give them comfort in their decision. My mum was certainly emotional that day, and so was my dad (in his own very special masculine way).

Ashdown House Preparatory school, unfortunately now permanently closed, was a place I could have only comprehended as a cosier and muggle version of Hogwarts. After a tour and some lunch, it was straight into lessons, and first was English. Mr Demorivell (to this day, I still have no clue how to spell his name, it’s pronounced ‘Dee-mo-rah-vell’) introduced me to everyone in the classroom and sat me down next to my ‘buddy’. Now, basically, a ‘buddy’ is the title they gave students who were assigned to show a new student the ropes, making sure they don’t get lost and feel included etc. (In the three years I was there, no one ever used this term seriously).

And thus, began the weekslong journey of Lucas completely ignoring his job of being a ‘buddy’. Though, as fate would have it, Lucas and I got along in the end, and we didn’t become mortal enemies. Today, he is one of my best friends, though, more adequately described as a brother, or a twin. His family very kindly became my guardians for two years which meant I got to live with my best friend. In those two years, we committed plenty of shenanigans. Some of these include Lucas jumping down from the top bunk at 7am and screaming “I’m gay!” in my ear, making a murder mystery film inspired by Poirot in which the suspects are animals in the local cat’s protection centre, and having a dubstep phase (yes, I know, we were just that cool).

Before living with Lucas, I spent most of my exeats and half terms at my first guardian’s house. Libby and her husband, Paul, were…how do I put this…a quintessentially British couple. They lived in a big house with a lovely garden in Tunbridge Wells. Their children had all grown up so the house had that empty feeling, but it was also filled with their children’s achievements and medals. I was living with another Chinese student, Kitty (who was also in Ashdown but in the year above). Libby and Paul had some very traditional pet peeves regarding table manners. Now, I understand why they would be annoyed if I chewed with my mouth open, but ‘elbows off the table’, why? I still don’t understand, someone please explain this to me.

Under their house, I felt like I had to live by ‘their’ standards and lifestyle, which was definitely met by some silent resistance by lil Pete who wasn’t so used to taking long walks in the woods, or talking after I had finished chewing, or keeping elbows off the table etc. Looking back though, I am incredibly grateful for Libby and Paul’s care. For all the time when I was afraid of the dark and Libby sat in my room, and read me a story before bed, then kept the lights on until I fell asleep. For all the times when Libby took Kitty and I into Tunbridge Wells to go elderflower picking, then came home and made elderflower cordial (which has since then become one of my favourite drinks, Lucas’ family knows this very well). For coming with us to climb the giant rocks in one of the parks, and for the times Libby took Kitty and I to the forest and spent months building a wooden den with us, then after we were finished, we had a celebratory picnic in it (we also built an epic swing next to the den).

I guess, since I was nine, I’ve developed an acute aware of the passage of time from how temporary everything seemed to have become. My parents are flying home tonight. I will be, again, left alone to pursue my education. Ultimately, in this week’s post, I am writing about gratitude. I am so grateful for my parents’ brave decision to send me to the UK, sacrificing those treasured years of my development for a much better education. Even though I don’t see my parents that often, I am grateful that I got to spend this Christmas with them. And even though I had a difficult time adjusting to the UK, I was fortunate enough to meet the right people along the way. Those who add value to my life, those who make me laugh, and those who care deeply for me, like Libby, Lucas, and many, many more. So, thank you to everyone who took care of me when I was younger, and continues to do so, I am grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Just like my mum said in her note: “有你们的鼓励，我变得很坚强！”, “With your encouragement, I have become very strong!”.